Cara's Landmine Field

Couldn’t Sleep

???guesswho??? — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 12:40:28 +0000

So I woke up at around 4 am and simply could not go back to sleep. My mind was flooded with thoughts consuming my rest. I turned to my computer and surfed the net, wrote an email, did some research and then I thought about my blog. I miss blogging daily……maybe I will get back to it. What kept me from going back to sleep? Thoughts of dance team, Pampered Chef, work, and fake people.

Let’s talk dance team – I have sponsored the dance team where I got my start. I am not at the school so there are times that it is truly hard due to lack of communication and me not being able to get over there. I was told yesterday that at job fair they will try to get someone to take over the dance team so that they can have someone on campus. I have mixed emotions about this….hurt, sadness, and relief! I will miss it for sure, I just hope that they get someone sooner rather than later so that I can plan my summer appropriately.

Pampered Chef – LOVING IT!!!!! All of you who know me, know that I am a direct sales junky! I have found my niche. This is truly a business for me. I am a part of a “family” that has embraced me and everyone else just entering the company just as my own family has. I feel blessed daily to be a part of my team and this company. No sales pitch here……just wanted all of you who read to know that I do take my Pampered Chef job seriously and I am hoping to turn it into a career!

Work – some days good, some days not….I was finally able to open up to my father about how miserable I am at work and he told me that if I am truly miserable, why am I still there. Guess that means I need to broaden my horizons. I just still dislike that right now I don’t want to get up to go to work. It wasn’t always like that!

Fake People – ok…..touchy subject…..There is a person that I am acquainted with. We need when we met that our “friendship” would be hard, but I was willing to put aside our differences as long as she was. And I thought we had. Things were good and it was truly growing into a friendship……..all of a sudden, she got cold. Went from greeting me with hugs and kisses to not even being able to look me in the eye. WTF?!?!?! We go back and forth…..one minute she is there, the next minute she is not. Recently, it has been observed that when things happen at work and this person is around, people get reprimanded or there are blanket statement emails sent out about the things that happened. Really?!?! An adult snitch, tattletale? That is no way to make friends. You want to be included, but if the people around you can not speak freely because they are afraid you will tell everything they say, no one will want you around. You can’t make your way to the top telling on everyone around you……stepping on others to make yourself seem better. More than mad about this, I am hurt. I wanted to be able to embrace this person and show her the “family” our school had, but she proved to be what everyone was afraid she was….and I am disappointed.

Again, I am sorry if I hurt feelings…..the statements posted in my blogs are mine and mine alone. My opinions.

So, I am trying to make a comeback. I definitely have some more topics so keep your eyes open!

State of the Union Address

???guesswho??? — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 02:24:55 +0000

This is another repost of something someone else posted. I could add so much to this discussion. It was written about things happening in Canada, but how interesting to know that some of the same things are happening all over!!!!

Here is the article……some of my thoughts will follow…….

Among the clients who come to me regarding a change in career direction, the ones who sadden me the most are those who are choosing to leave the teaching profession. While a few of them have been BEd grads who weren’t able to land their first job or weren’t really suited to teach, the vast majority have been seasoned and highly dedicated professionals who entered teaching out of genuine passion for helping children achieve their potential.

So why are they leaving? It isn’t why you would think. I don’t hear a litany of complaints about “kids these days….”, “parents these days…”, “crime in schools…” or any of the other psycho-social issues that make teaching a much harder job than it was 20 years ago.

Instead, they are burned out by an administrative structure that just doesn’t GET teaching. They mention the complete disconnect between those who teach and those who try to tell them how to do it – all too often people who, unable to make it in the classroom, opt for a career in administration instead. They discuss the enormous waste of investment in repetitive in-servicing programs, frequently at the expense of actual resources in the classroom. They lambaste a mind-numbing bureaucracy that is more interested in standardized test scores than student learning. And mostly, they regret the fact that they just can’t be as effective as they would like to be. Two particular anecdotes come to mind that illustrate these concerns.

The first involves a client who opted to complete a master’s degree in special education after five years as a mainstream teacher. He is a passionate advocate for integrated learning, and developed some really unique approaches to ensure that the needs of both typical and special needs children could be met within a conventional classroom. After six years with a large school board in southern Ontario, he was throwing in the towel. He was worn out by the continuous struggle to ensure that the resources that were committed on paper for each child actually got used for that child.

I was surprised to learn that even though a child with an identified special need is assigned a certain number of resource hours by the school board, the ultimate decision on how to use those hours is left up to the principal. In my client’s case, the principal saw him as the school’s jack-of-all-trades, and called upon him for assignments such as lunchtime supervision, supply teaching, and monitoring of children whose classroom behaviour was disruptive. My client came to realize that each of the children he was meant to be working with was receiving less than 50% of the one-on-one time they really needed. Rather than thriving and moving ahead, they were falling further behind, and my client was left to explain to justifiably confused and frustrated parents why the Individualized Learning Plans weren’t working. He couldn’t do it anymore, he said, he couldn’t keep defending a school system that was failing the children he was committed to helping.

The second incident involves a case of in-servicing gone amok as a result of the focus on standardized test scores. In Ontario, if test scores fall below a certain level, bureaucrats from the school board parachute in to evaluate the teaching program and provide recommendations on how to fix it. For the record, the story was told to me by a colleague of the teacher involved, so I am getting the information third hand. A grade three teacher (let’s call her Jane) whose students had failed to perform well the previous year was assigned a so-called “expert” to help Jane improve her teaching skills and lesson plans.

“Karen,” my contact confided to me, “you have to understand. Jane is an awesome teacher. She has some of the most creative and successful lessons in the school. I mean, she’s our role model. The kids love her, the parents love her, and most years her students do well. But last year, she had donuts. I don’t know why, call it a quirk of astrology, but some years are just like that.”

Jane was pulled out of the classroom at least two to three times a month to take in-servicing seminars. The “expert” had her completely redesign the lesson plans. She threw out carefully thought out activities and interactive lessons in favour of rote-work designed to improve test scores. The entire year became focused on teaching to the test, and critical elements of the core curriculum were neglected. Students became increasingly bored and disengaged, and it showed in their behaviour.

The net result? The scores went down even further, and the school is now faced with even more “experts” trying to fix the problem. Worse, an entire class of students started grade 4 without having adequately covered the grade 3 program, and needed a lot of catch up work. Of course, there were no “experts” to help the grade 4 class; their needs won’t become a school board priority again until grade 6, when the next standardized test kicks in.

Why is this article in a career services blog? Because recruiters are coming to recognize that teachers represent a huge untapped candidate pool, and are developing strategies specifically aimed at luring them out of the teaching profession (see Dr. John Sullivan’s article on using “group targeting” to recruit teachers to become corporate employees ). According to Sullivan, a thought-leader in the recruiter world, teachers are highly educated, highly competent, well organized, good at planning, great communicators, adaptable, dedicated, and eager for opportunities. They make ideal new recruits, and are ripe for the picking.

Of course, the recession has put the brakes on employee raiding of any kind, and unhappy staff in virtually all professions are opting to stay put until the economy recovers. But the recession won’t last forever, and when recovery mode kicks in school boards may find themselves facing an exodus of top talent who understand that job satisfaction requires more than a good pension plan.

My thoughts…….and they are just that….my “thoughts”…….right, wrong, true or false…..this is what is in my head…….

I think also we are going into a time where administrators are coming in with “control” issues. I have seen a faculty who was truly a family, broken apart and broken down in less than a year. It saddens me to see my friends like this. Or better yet to not see my friends, because we have no time to chat……..I miss my lunch bunch :-(. It saddens me to see the compassion taken out of schools. For some kids it is the only place they may get a hug!

I think policies are getting out of control. Some are things that cannot and will not be enforced, they are set to threaten. Some are there again as a control issue. Some policies have good merit, but are taken to extremes that are ridiculous. Do we really have to lock the door so that teachers do not interact with the secretaries? Do we really have to make it so that a teacher can not fax her own information….instead they must send an email to the secretary, letting them know they want to fax something and hopefully the secretary will have time to do it? Is it really necessary to turn a teacher away who is trying to get in touch with a parent? I am just at a loss. I am sure there are reasons for such policies to be implemented, but don’t the teachers that these policies effect have any right to know about them before they are implemented…….maybe the teachers would have a good idea that isn’t so restrictive?

It hurts to have people who have been friendly with me, look away when they see me coming with a look of confusion and conflict on their face. I am an open book. I am there for the kids. I am not always right, but I am not always wrong. If standing up for myself is wrong, then maybe I don’t want to be right!

The whole situation is getting old……..I’m tired………but the look on my student’s faces are the silver lining…..and I know when I get past the clouds there are sunny skies ahead!

People’s Court is Now in Session

???guesswho??? — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 05:33:11 +0000

Ok….this is a repost of a repost but someone made some really good points that have been truly hitting home with me for a while now. While the article itself was geared at Black Women, I think that it really speaks to ALL PEOPLE, white, black, purple, orange, male, female and anywhere in between……….

Unless God gave you the gavel……..who are you to judge?

Do Black Women make the best Girl Friends?

Now I am just reposting this and I do have my thoughts that I will post later on this subject but….When I received this in an email author unknown it made me think to myself about the relationships I have with my women friends and It really made me wonder Are Black Women really their our Own worst enemy?

When I first heard of the movie “For Colored Girls” I got so excited. I had the idea of getting as many women together that I could think of to go see this movie. I had visions of group discussions and moments shared with one another that would lead to healing and growth, I guess I kind of imagined a Womens Empowerment Conference type of setting.

Well after I shared my idea with a few women, reality set in and I realized that so many of us wouldn’t be willing to participate for various reasons:

You don’t like me

you don’t care for somebody I might invite

you only hang out with certain people

you don’t understand the big deal about Tyler Perry making yet another movie about black people and our issues for all the world to see

you don’t like crowds, so n so is too ghetto, such and such is too uppity etc…

It has ALWAYS amazed me that we as black women are each others biggest critics. We are the quickest to bring each other down, find each others faults and nit pick at a sister until she has nothing left, nothing left to give and then we step over her and call her worthless.

We take the prettiest women and tear them down for thinking “they are cute” but turn around and dog the average sista because “she know she should take better care of herself than that – can’t believe she got a man!” We call strong women female dogs and accuse weaker women of riding somebody else’s coat tails. We tell a big sista to put down her burger and turn around and criticize a skinny woman for not picking one up.

We ride the loud mouth woman for “talking to darn much” and likewise torment the quiet woman for “Being too quiet and needing to take up for herself” Sad part is we don’t discriminate, we talk about everybody!!!

I’ve watched women dog out everybody from Oprah for catering to

white people and Halle Berry for not being able to keep a man to young Willow Smith for acting to darn grown in her recent video. All of these females are successful and there is something about each one of them to be proud of but a lot of us can’t seem to see that.

I have to wonder since we all share a common thread (whether we want to admit it or not) is there something about ourselves that we don’t like, what has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along. Why is that we fight amongst ourselves, backstab & steal each others men(only to find out we should have left him where we found him).

We cannot seem to be unified to support and stick up for one another.

Everybody seems to be out for themselves while other groups unite against us but nobody else has to bring us down because we trample on the spirits of each other daily.

Even if you live in a mini mansion, drive a luxury car, have good credit, rich handsome husband etc, this does not mean that should look down your nose at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living in income based housing struggling to keep her lights on. We ALWAYS think the grass is greener on the other side.

I had a woman who’s child father is MIA tell me that I should never complain because I receive a decent amount of child support and I laughed and let her know that I would gladly give every dime back if he would come relieve some of this overwhelming pressure of feeling inadequate as a parent.

If I could get just one full night of sleep or not always be on the verge of losing my job because Im the one that has to call off or leave work for one reason or another to accommodate my child – yeah he could DEFINITELY have his money if I could have some peace!

Money alone doesn’t make you happy (not true happiness), good credit doesn’t keep you satisfied, beauty doesn’t make you any less insecure, fame doesn’t make you less vulnerable or cause you to be a good judge of character and being stuck up and mean doesn’t keep you warm at night or prevent you from being lonely.

You don’t know how the sista sitting right next to could have carefully put on her make up this morning to hide the beating from last night. The teacher you handed your child over to this morning could have sent her children off to school from a dark house with empty bellies. The teller you just got rude with at the bank could know that today is her last day on her job and have no idea how she is going to survive past next weekend.

The sista at the office that appears so busy could be typing her goodbyes to all the people that she loves because she plans to blow her brains out tonight after she tucks her babies into bed. The woman you pass in the hallway could be on her way to have an abortion because she fears what others might think or how the woman that sent you this e-mail may drink an over abundance of alcohol every night to mask the nightmares of an abusive childhood.

Ladies we HAVE TO DO BETTER!!! I’m not suggesting that we all like each other and be phony, But I am asking that we all try to respect each other. You HAVE NO IDEA what the next woman is going through, you don’t know what past or current hurt and pains have shaped her into who she is today.

We spend so much time trying to be as strong and hard as we are expected to be that we end up cracking from the inside out piece by piece. If we would spend 1/3 of the time we spend tearing each other down to build someone up, encourage someone, show someone some love, we could truly make a difference and save someone’s life. PLEASE don’t be the straw that breaks another woman’s back. Believe me when I tell you that there is a woman out there that needs your smile, your hug, your support, your prayer.

I hope that you read this and get something out of it other than a laugh and that you pass this on to as many women as you can to let someone know that you believe they are somebody special and that if need be you are available to listen. Nothing bad is going to happen if you don’t forward this e-mail but I’d like to think that something positive will happen if you choose to pass it along.

May favor be extended to each and everyone of your lives, keep your head up and know that someone somewhere cares!!!

You Want the Truth

???guesswho??? — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 00:51:37 +0000

You can’t handle the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boy oh boy is that ever real. I read a friend’s post on FB this morning talking about people asking questions and not liking the answers! I was listening to Eminem ”The Way I Am” and thinking about how so many people think he is crazy and awful. I think he is crazy, yes, but the man speaks his truth. Same thing with Kanye West…..when he is on he is on and people didnt want to hear it. Then he got ignorant…..but for the most part he just speaks his truth and people don’t want to hear it.

Makes me think about my blogs. I have been speaking the truth. People have been offended and hurt. The truth does tend to do that when you are tryin so hard not to face it. I will continue my blogs…….more often…..I will continue to sugar coat when I feel it necessary, but if it isnt necessary…..I am gonna let it all out!!!!!!!!!

Ok so my words are not a curse, I understand where he is coming from on this part………and of course I don’t blurt….but I do blog! And the words do help….they do relive some of the tension. Read the next part and you will see what I am talking about…..it is from Eminem’s “the way I am”

And since birth I’ve been cursed with this curse to just curse And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works
And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve
All this tension dispensin these sentences
Gettin this stress that’s been eatin me recently off of this chest
And I rest again peacefully (peacefully)..
This next part is just him taking responsibility for the results of his actions. Granted, I cant buy you a wardrobe, but if I said it….I said it and I will own up to it right or wrong! If you tempt me my tank is on empty (is on empty)..
No patience is in me and if you offend me
I’m liftin you 10 feet (liftin you 10 feet).. in the air
I don’t care who is there and who saw me destroy you
Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit
I’ll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I’m tired of arguin’ (of arguin’)..
I don’t mean to be mean but that’s all I can be is just me

So…..can you handle the truth? Can you handle telling the truth? Can you handle the repercussions of speaking the truth?

Drivin Ms Daisy

???guesswho??? — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 00:03:10 +0000

So, I mean, yeah, I am pretty smart. I am edjumacated! But you know, that intelligence does not give me the right to walk around being arrogant. Do I do that? Do I act like I am better than others? Somebody please tell me!!!!!!!! I think there is a HUGE difference between being self-confident and being arrogant.

So I have come across someone recently who has fit this description. Actually when someone made a mention of God, this person said “So, you do know me!” Wow……really………i mean……….wow. Now, in this person’s defense, can I really say that it is their “intelligence” that makes them act like that………..no I can’t but hell, nothing gives you the right to act like that!

This person made many others uncomfortable this weekend…….including throwing a mini tantrum that I guess was my fault, but really….I mean we are not in high school. That is ok…..I got a few laughs out of the situation. But……that person…..had me drove!

Penny…..Nickle….Dime…..Quarter…..What’s It Worth???

???guesswho??? — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 03:41:31 +0000

My friends……….I am struggling.

I guess my need for affirmation is smothering me.

I have never in my life felt so unappreciated in my work….I do have to say thank you though, for all the kind words on my performance today…….It meant more than anyone could know especially since the program is only supposed to showcase the students.

Maybe we need a teacher talent show……personally, I think it is important for our students to see us being multi-talented. Yes, I sing, I dance, I draw, I paint, I write, I jump rope, I act silly, I encourage, I love and you know what………..I do all that and I choose to teach!!!!!! I think our kids would benefit from knowing all that about their teachers!

I am now starting a running list of time I spend outside of my “classroom.” I think it has been more this year than usual. Every time I have to go outside of my “classroom” I either have to modify or forego my lesson. What is the point of spending time on lesson plans when your classes can not get them accomplished!!!!! I know that it happens sometime to music and library, but I feel like I have had to be out of the gym at least once a week for the past month!!!!!!!!!

But you know…..who am I……what do I teach anyway? PE doesn’t matter……It’s just PE. Nevermind that I have a curriculum to teach……..nevermind that my lessons incorporate and reinforce what happens in the classroom…….nevermind that kids are lazy and overstimulated……….nevermind that obesity and childhood type II diabetes is running rampant. It’s just PE.

And I am just a Coach……not a teacher. I am pretty sure I spent just as much time in college getting my degree as any other classroom teacher. I even spend time educating my students on the difference between “coach” and “teacher” and asking them which they think I am…………they are starting to see now! Some people never will.

I am questioning my worth………my value………..where I am now. I know my talents, I know my gifts………but when they are not appreciated, why keep trying. I know I know I know………for the kids…………but what about when they don’t appreciate it either. What happens when you give 110% and the kids, the parents, and the administration doesn’t hold up their end of the deal. I can’t handle takinging the 35% they give me back and just “dealing” with it. I can’t handle, just doing something everyone can do. Is that what they are doing in the classrooms? What about the kids who need a challenge? What about the kids who are barely getting it and getting lost at the next step?

And I understand the whole “positive” thing………but since when has a police officer pulled you over for speeding and said…..I understand you are having a bad day…..what could you have done differently…..do you want to go back and try it again? How about a little “real world” discipline where parents, students and teachers are held accountable for their actions?????

Again, thank you again to everyone who lifted me up today……it did not start out well, but you saved this blog from being a sob woe-is-me fest!……ok well you saved from being a totally woe-is-me fest. Still…..I guess I have a certain someone to thank for that…..but I still need those in positions of power to give me a pat on the back every once in a while, not stick their foot out when I walk past and laugh when I fall.

Feedback Favor

???guesswho??? — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 03:43:41 +0000

Ok my friends….I need a little favor.

I want to start off by reiterating that these blogs are my opinions, my feelings, my thoughts, and my words. ONLY MINE.

Having said that, I need feedback. From you, my readers….negative, postive…..whether you agree, disagree, whether you hear me, feel me, co-sign, think I am crazy, or otherwise. I am just that type of person. I have a couple of people who read and respond all the time…..then I have some people who lurk and read everything and respond to nothing……Just tonight, I have had over 20 hits and only two people said anything!!!! I don’t need you to respond every time, to everything, but I am passionate about my blog and if you feel strongly about something I say……tell me!!!!

The blog is meant to be a place where we can discuss issues, thoughts, ideas, and problems. I appreciate those of you who applaud what I do and my guts for standing up on a public stage and expressing myself……but some of you could speak up too. You can do it anon. Our words need to be heard!!!!! Positive and negative. We all know the negative is still there, we just need to focus on how to get through it and passed it.

To be or not to be

???guesswho??? — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 02:13:26 +0000

So yep, I am back……and ready to go in rare form!!!!! Nah….I am gonna keep this kinda calm until the storm passes. I have been aggravated lately and stressed and burdened. I have the opportunity to do something that I truly LOVE. Within this opportunity, I have to deal with people. You know I don’t like people. I have put my heart and soul into this opportunity because it is my passion. Some people miss that and feel like I am wronging them and theirs. They go out of their way to hurt me. You know, when someone doesn’t like something that I am doing……if they tell me…..I can fix it. But when I don’t know and it fester for them to the point when they feel the need to go over my head……it hurts me……..physically hurts me………the pain and tension and stress sits right smack dab in the middle of my chest. I know, you are going to say I shouldnt let it get to me……but it does. Mostly because they fail to realize that my life does not revolve around the opportunity, but that the opportunity is a part of my life. Sorry that things don’t get done in the time frame you would like to see…..but they will get done. And if it isn’t what I think it is, it could only be one other thing…..and then well……all hell is going to break loose!!!!!!!! I really dislike when people are revengeful……it’s going to backfire you know……if it is the revengeful person…..they will be exposed!!!!!!!

So what do I do………do I keep doing it because I love it minus the drama or do I let it go because the drama makes it hard to love sometimes?

Also…..since when has it been ok to try to replace someone behind their back????? Is that something they teach you? I will post the whole story probably this coming weekend…..it will have to be private……maybe. I just want everyone to realize, I am not going out without a fight. I will fight for what is right and just. I will speak my mind and not be afraid, because I strongly believe that I am not wrong. There is nothing that has warranted this behavior and I wont tolerate being bullied!

So what do you think…..should I stay or should I go???? The choice will be mine!

I don’t know how

???guesswho??? — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 02:39:28 +0000

I don’t know how………….

I don’t know why…………

I’m not even really sure when…………

I can’t tell you the last time I felt this way…..helpless, hopeless, defeated, deflated.

Never sure what tomorrow will hold

Or why yesterday seems so far away

I can’t…………..swiwts

I can’t……….tol

This place….this blog is useless when my words are bound.

Hi Ho Hi Ho

???guesswho??? — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 23:48:22 +0000

It’s off to work I go!!!!!!

Tomorrow starts the new school year. Am I ready? Well, are you ever really ready? Those who make all the preparations find that something is lacking and those who fail to get it all ready in time seem to have a great day. So, I am gonna finish up a few more things…..chill with what I have……and get a good night’s sleep. Of course, I am as bad as the kids and will be up every hour on the hour until 6am!!!!

I hope all my teacher friends out there have a fabulous first day that is only the beginning of a fabulous year.

I hope all of my parent friends send your babies to school with all that they need to be attentive and studious. Also, enjoy the freedoms if you get them! I promise we will be taking good care of them.

I welcome the challenges that this year will present. I will embrace the little ones who look to me for guidance with the compassion that I am known for. I will teach my students with the passion that made me become a teacher in the first place. I will refute and rebuke any who try to take away my spirit, crush me, and make me miserable. I will keep secrets and dispel rumors when it is in the best interest of the situation. I will use my voice to stand up for what is right when it’s right. I will have a great year!!!!!!!!

Ok, friends…..I have made my vows and promises for this year….loud and proud…..what are yours? How will you make this year better than last year?